Dear Jeremy,

Hey, it’s 12:11 midnight on the clock and I’m here writing this letter for you which you will never ever be able to read. But still, I will write everything down.

Four years back, I would have been sure what to say when someone asks me about what we are. We are best friends. I can confidently say that before, not until everything gone blurred. We were best friends. Now I’m not even sure where to place myself. Things have changed. Four years have gone and we drifted apart.

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"...just two strangers with some memories."

Weird, we used to talk about anything and nothing and not feel awkward at all, now I can’t even go on a conversation with you without trying to figure out the right words to say just to keep the conversation going. It’s sad Jem. Seeing how our friendship turned out. What makes me more sad is that deep inside, I know this is mostly my fault and I’m sorry. Really, I am.

I know things will never be the same between us, but last Christmas I was able to convinceΒ  myself that maybe, just maybe things between us can get better than we are today. Remember when we saw each other at the church two nights before Christmas? We saw each other, yes. Sadly, neither of us made an attempt to reach out to each other. What can I do? I’m not even sure if you would talk back to me comfortably, I mean, if I did talk to you that night and things were still awkward, it would just hurt more. I don’t want that truth slap me in the face. But then again, I tried trying to make an effort to talk to you again. And you Jem, told me you missed me. You have no idea how happy you made me that Christmas night. It was like suddenly everything is okay between us. Not the ‘okay’ kind of okay. But the real okay one. I was really happy. I don’t know what happened next, ’cause one moment you were the best friend I once had, the next moment you were back to the “awkward ex-best friend that I do not know where to place myself”. I missed you, big time. I really want to keep the communication going between us, but somehow you make me feel unwanted, so unwanted that I have to distance myself from you. You have no idea how many messages that I typed and never sent to you. You have no idea how my heart beats double pace when I’m talking to you. And you have no idea how much I overthink about every little thing that you do. It’s crazy. I’m extra careful of what comes out of my mouth cause I don’t want to sound uninterested nor too eager to talk to you. But this can’t go on like this. So I’m writing this post to end everything here. No, I’m not ending our friendship, what I’m putting an end to is what I feel for you – all the nostalgia when I remember the things that happened, the hurt and the longing.

Just in case you’ll be wondering how I am, I’m still that one friend who’s just one text away, but no longer trying to reach out first.

…and yes, I hate the ending myself too. I hate our ending if it’s the end.

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"...that some people can only be in your heart, not in your life."

Goodbye for now,
Jeanette. xx

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18 thoughts on “Dear Jeremy,

      • I can imagine. πŸ˜“
        You have no idea really how similar we are. Lol! I even wrote some goodbye piece. And, in fact, there is a poem.. wait, 2 poems. Haha! I’ll post them for you. ☺
        I also still miss my best friend (also a guy) so I understand. I guess with age, I’m way braver so I do contact him every now and then, not often enough. And the last time I saw him was about 2 1/2 years ago.
        Do you need some moral support.. some courageous video es thrown your way? πŸ˜†

        Liked by 1 person

      • So what happened between you and your bestfriend now? Do you still talk? I’d love to read those poems. It took me two weeks to convince myself that I really really have to say goodbye to Jem even if I still want him back. Lemme see those videos too. Haha

        Liked by 1 person

      • We still talk, mostly online but when I remember, I do call him. Maybe we , people, outgrow each other. Sometimes, our relationships separate from the one with each other complicate the keeping that relationship going. Other times, we get too busy with work, social life and all other parts of our lives that don’t necessarily involve each other anymore. That’s not how it should become. It takes work. And commitment, just like any other relationship. 😬 As soon as I have some time, I will post. 😝
        Maybe, sometime soon you’ll be braver and bolder. πŸ˜†
        Take care for now. 😘

        Liked by 1 person

      • That’s how I eventually got to the goodbye and the moving on… though the friendship is still there. Sometimes, we have to leave it to fate, di ba? We may be surprised what destiny has for us πŸ™‚ Baka mas ok ang kapalit. Haha! And on top of that, friends pa rin.. na may hidden kilig that comes out every now and then.. for fun and joy. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      • I have eventually trained myself to not force any issue and especially myself to those who need convincing.. They just want it or me! 😝 And most of the times, it’s because that’s how it’s supposed to be.. The clichΓ©, it’s for the best 😁

        Liked by 1 person

      • I decided, I’ll stop trying to be friends with him muna, I mean, I can’t be just friends with him while I’m feeling something else, so yeaah. Papalipasin ko na lang muna and if time comes na okay na ko, maybe, just maybe, maging okay na ko as a friend lang sa kanya. Ugh! Falling for a friend really sucks. Not even sure if this is something like love eh.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Falling for a friend is the trickiest and the most rewarding because of the great risk (of losing a friend). When it does work, it’s the best relationship two people can have. It is the most genuine love and accepting, having had the same as friends. My husband and I were friends for several months before we started properly dating but not as close as my best friend. It’s best for now.. You never know.. πŸ˜†πŸ˜πŸ˜˜

        Liked by 1 person

      • I was hoping I can visit the Philippines soon, around Easter, but work is most probably going to keep me in Johannesburg for most of the year, especially the first several months. For now, we keep writing. πŸ™‚

        Like

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