Dear Jeremy,

Hey, it’s 12:11 midnight on the clock and I’m here writing this letter for you which you will never ever be able to read. But still, I will write everything down.

Four years back, I would have been sure what to say when someone asks me about what we are. We are best friends. I can confidently say that before, not until everything gone blurred. We were best friends. Now I’m not even sure where to place myself. Things have changed. Four years have gone and we drifted apart.

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"...just two strangers with some memories."

Weird, we used to talk about anything and nothing and not feel awkward at all, now I can’t even go on a conversation with you without trying to figure out the right words to say just to keep the conversation going. It’s sad Jem. Seeing how our friendship turned out. What makes me more sad is that deep inside, I know this is mostly my fault and I’m sorry. Really, I am.

I know things will never be the same between us, but last Christmas I was able to convinceΒ  myself that maybe, just maybe things between us can get better than we are today. Remember when we saw each other at the church two nights before Christmas? We saw each other, yes. Sadly, neither of us made an attempt to reach out to each other. What can I do? I’m not even sure if you would talk back to me comfortably, I mean, if I did talk to you that night and things were still awkward, it would just hurt more. I don’t want that truth slap me in the face. But then again, I tried trying to make an effort to talk to you again. And you Jem, told me you missed me. You have no idea how happy you made me that Christmas night. It was like suddenly everything is okay between us. Not the ‘okay’ kind of okay. But the real okay one. I was really happy. I don’t know what happened next, ’cause one moment you were the best friend I once had, the next moment you were back to the “awkward ex-best friend that I do not know where to place myself”. I missed you, big time. I really want to keep the communication going between us, but somehow you make me feel unwanted, so unwanted that I have to distance myself from you. You have no idea how many messages that I typed and never sent to you. You have no idea how my heart beats double pace when I’m talking to you. And you have no idea how much I overthink about every little thing that you do. It’s crazy. I’m extra careful of what comes out of my mouth cause I don’t want to sound uninterested nor too eager to talk to you. But this can’t go on like this. So I’m writing this post to end everything here. No, I’m not ending our friendship, what I’m putting an end to is what I feel for you – all the nostalgia when I remember the things that happened, the hurt and the longing.

Just in case you’ll be wondering how I am, I’m still that one friend who’s just one text away, but no longer trying to reach out first.

…and yes, I hate the ending myself too. I hate our ending if it’s the end.

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"...that some people can only be in your heart, not in your life."

Goodbye for now,
Jeanette. xx

Finally, I am

And then finally, she is happy.

Few weeks back (or months rather), I wrote this line: ‘and then finally, she is (I am) happy.‘ This was supposed to be my entry for a Daily Post daily prompt for that day, and if I remember it correctly, the prompt is to write a 6-word story about your life in the future, and this is what I wrote but after a while of staring at white empty spaces after those words, I decided not to continue with that prompt. Why, you ask me? Well probably because one, I can’t find the right words to write after that line and two, those are just empty words back then. I was just trying to be optimistic at that time for I was going through something, so for some reason I left it lying on my drafts. I had no idea I am really going to use this line today.

Let me tell you why I ended up posting this 6-word story that I made. (I do hope you won’t get bored and decide not to continue reading this post, haha!) So anyway, here’s the reason why.

This morning, I woke up feeling tired for being up so late last night. I was a little insomniac last night. I was supposed to be reviewing my notes at this moment had I continued with my plan for the day. But then, with the head ache and everything, I thought I won’t get anywhere if I study anyway so I preceded with checking out my blog instead. Blogging 101: Day four assignment is to write to your audience, so I’m hitting two birds with one stone here ’cause I am about to write my audience with this post.

As I said, I went checking out my blog then proceed to reading posts with the tag happiness. Then I went across to this post. Check it out.

Have you ever – http://wp.me/p2YPZs-6i

I went commenting and liking her posts, and she did the same with mine. And that simple act made me really happy. Thank you @AjAguilarVanDerMerwe (I hope you will be able to read this, for I don’t quite know how if you can tag anyone in a post)

Dear AjAguilarVanDerMerwe, ( of foodtravel.com )

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You make me smile. πŸ™‚

I have encountered different bloggers through WordPress and few times has there been anyone who would actually take time to read my blog. And you did Aj. I know I have put up this blog for personal reasons, but it really warms my heart up whenever anyone appreciates my work and who doesn’t? And for that, you really made me happy. I am so happy that I habe to write this post πŸ™‚ I am truly grateful for what you did. It made me motivated to keep on blogging. With all honesty, I don’t quite know on how will my blog turn out, but knowing that there is someone  atleast just one person who would like to see what happens on your journey makes me  just want to go with the flow and write without bothering if this post will be liked or not. 

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There will always be a reason why you meet people. Either you need them to change your life or you're the one to change theirs. -Sushan Sharma

Funny how I am instantly happy now when I was just commenting on your post earlier that I hope I can be the kind of happy as you are, and you told me that I will be one day. See, I am finally happy. Thank you! πŸ™‚ Stay happy with your life and travels, and good luck on your eldest’s journey. πŸ™‚

– Jeanette

“Who” and “Why” of Me Defined

Blogging 101: Day 1 Assignment, “Who am I and why I am here?” –

Every once in a while, I would find myself being asked “How would you describe yourself?”, and that for me, is one of the hardest question and I know I’m not alone in this one.

How would I describe myself? How do I see myself? And how do others see me? Upon typing these questions, I found myself stuck on these lines. I’m quite not sure of the right words to say that would make you see a glimpse of who I really am, or to describe myself without sounding inferior or exaggerated. Eitherways, this is who I am.

Jeanette Joyce, from the Philippines. People say I look exactly like my mom and rarely believes me when I say I am already 20 years old. I’m not really sure if it’s because of my visage or of my height. (4’11” by the way)

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Here's a photo of me (the one wearing pink) and my mom together. This was taken in my sister's graduation day two years ago (that means I was 18 years old and my mom is 49 back then)

Things that I love:
β€’ I love reading series but barely have the time to do so.

Jenny Han’s P.S I Still Love You, Kierra Cass’ The Selection Series, David Levithan’s Everyday and Another Day, J.K Rowling’s Harry Potter and oh Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight Saga are one of my best reads πŸ˜‰

β€’ I write occasionally, when I’m in the mood that is and my writings are mostly melancholic. I remember my first post describing myself as a lost soul in a constant journey of happiness and somehow I still am that lost soul.

β€’ I watch movies on leisure hours – romantic comedy drama is my genre – and I am fond of Adam Sandler’s movies. (50 first dates is my most favorite)

β€’ I love foods, I am best left alone in the kitchen eating than cooking ’cause I was never good at cooking (the best I could do is fry eggs, haha!)

β€’ I suck at dancing, and yes I am a professional bathroom singer. Haha!

β€’ …and I used to love Taylor Swift’s music back when she does country pop. I relate so much to her songs that it made my heart ache. 😂

so why am I here?

This blog exists primarily because I need something to pour my heart into, and somehow this is my escape from the overstressed world that I am into. I put my heart out on my sleeves in this rather personal blog and out here are the words I rarely voice out but keeps on popping inside of my head.

…and in answer to the hardest question:

I am extraordinarily ordinary. I get mood swings every now and then, and honestly I am veeeery difficult to handle (you have been warned!), but I’d like to believe that I am worth it. (That is if you would atleast try to get to know me better of course.) I guess that is the best way to describe me.